It is often said that essay writing helps you learn how to organize your thoughts, express your ideas and persuade people.
What one hears less often is that it is a surefire way to develop a host of bad habits that will haunt you your entire life.
1. Procrastination
Oh, there is an entire week to write this essay, it can wait.
Surely three days is plenty?
Hmm, I should probably get moving and start writing it. Ah well, I’ve got an entire evening ahead of me, the lack of time is motivating, after all.
Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod what am I to do!?
When you have to write about something that bores you stiff, it is all too easy to get into the habit of putting it off until the last possible moment and then running around in blind panic two hours before deadline.
2. Logorrhea
Or should we rather say, wearisome and ostentatious loquaciousness?
When you have to reach a certain word count or write a certain number of pages but have nothing much to say, it is only natural to start using longer words and, in general, more words than necessary – a habit that is very hard to get rid of.
3. Lying
When you have to express a strong opinion about social organization of Tuvalu, saying that you don’t care about it very much (for it is the first time you hear the name) would probably annoy the teacher.
4. Heavy Drinking
Either to give yourself a bit of inspiration or to drink yourself into oblivion to forget the depressing horror of writing about the history of curling in Canada, it is all too easy to let yourself slip.
5. Irregular Sleep
Does this one really need explaining?
6. Listening to Loud Music
When you have to write an essay by tomorrow’s morning while the rest of your dormitory is having a party, your roommate is talking on a phone and somebody is shouting in the street there are only two ways to get a little privacy: go on a killing spree or put on headphones with some death metal. One can only wonder which is worse.
7. Hatred of Mankind
Remember what we said about going on a killing spree?..
When everybody seems to be having a great time while you have to sit and write this blasted essay without any hope to complete it in near future, you’ll likely start to develop murderous tendencies. So, the next time you decide to strangle your roommate in his sleep, try to restrain yourself – it is that essay you wrote last night speaking, not you.
So you see – when you emerge out of college a jaded, depressed, antisocial and thoroughly broken man, you will know what and who is to blame!